Anger Management Burlington: Counselling That Goes Deeper

Someone says it. The one comment that always gets under your skin. Your face goes hot. The words are already lined up, and in a second, you're going to say them. That second has a skill made for it. It's called Stop. It's for the moments when a feeling wants to make the decision for you.

A strong feeling is in a hurry. It doesn't ask what you want from the conversation. It pushes you to act, right now, while the heat is high. And often, it isn't really about the comment. It lands on a spot that was already worn thin, from being tired, or from feeling unheard for a long time. Words said in that heat are hard to take back. Stop gives you a little time first.

It takes about thirty seconds, with one step for each letter. Bring a moment like that to mind, and try it with me if you like. Or just watch, and keep it for later. S is for stop. Freeze, just for a moment. Don't speak, don't type, don't move. Let your hands go still. T is for take a step back. Sometimes that means leaving the room for a minute. Sometimes it's one slow breath. Breathe in. And let it all the way out. O is for observe. Notice what's happening inside you. Maybe heat in your face, a tight jaw, or a thought like, they always do this. Then notice what's happening around you. What did they actually say? What else might be going on for them? P is for proceed mindfully. Ask yourself, what do I want from this moment? And what would make it better, not worse? Then choose what you'll do. You might still say something. It just comes from you now, not from the heat.

Stop isn't about swallowing your feelings or pretending you're fine. Your feelings matter. This gives you a moment to decide what to do with them. You can use it almost anywhere. Before you hit send on a message. At a family dinner, when an old topic comes up. Or in traffic, when someone cuts you off.

Next week, we'll look at one more skill, for the times a feeling is so strong it's hard to think at all. Subscribe if you'd like to catch it. That second before you speak belongs to you. You get to choose what fills it.